Sunday, July 08, 2007

cradle of sadness

My mate, Jock, sent me some photos from a Bangkok Metal festival, including the one on the left and in so doing he reminded me of a series of photos from a website called ruthless reviews.
There have now been two Top 10 lists published on that website of the all time worst black metal band pics and the last picture in this post is number nine in the latest compilation. Number nine. It gets worse. Much worse. It's frighteningly funny.
As Jock put it, these guys look like angry pandas. That's how hardcore they are. Angry pandas with faux mediaeval props. How evil can you be?
Look at this guy. He thinks he's a swash-buckling black metal freak. In fact, he looks like a cross between Siouxsie Sioux, Kylie Minogue and Genghis Khan.
Seriously, what manner of childhood horrors must a person experience to later decide that wearing too much white and black makeup and putting nails through their leatherette clothing, knee high boots and wrist guards whilst sporting fake ceremonial swords and striking dramatic poses, pouting and/or wailing over the top of whiddly-whiddly wow-wow guitar music is a wise career move?
Although, come to think of it, these guys no doubt earn more money than I do.
But at least I still have my dignity intact.
I, after all, volunteered to model as a dick for a fag rag. How special am I?
now playing: the the - lonely planet

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At 11:57 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

'what manner of childhood horrors must a person experience...'it's hard to say, but there are few ideas, e.g. seasonal affective disorder (six months of darkness), drug abuse (psychedelic mushrooms), and just sheer boredom. one sociologist (i can't remember his nordic name) argues that norwegians have a relatively affluent (and mediocre)lifestyle that apparently affects some teenagers who are desperately looking for excitement. as for the controversy that's associated with black metal (partly blame the media), such as national socialism, mindless church burnings, and bizarre murders, i still strongly agree with black metal's anti-christian themes.
further, i have met some cool and not-so-cool bm fans, e.g. on one drunken occassion, i met a women, who was easy on the eye, at a party. she was a body piercer, played chess and had the same 'obscure' metal albums as me. well, things appeared to be rolling nicely until...she started telling me how hitler was a great lover of the arts. i swear to nietzsche, you could hear my inner bogan child scream, 'nnnnaaaaaahhhh!'
from seduction to (drunken) betrayal, i barked, 'that's bullshit! it was goebbels who defended the [slur]expressionists!' she left the
room and complained to my jew-hating 'friend'. later that night, i was asked to leave because i insulted my friend's flatmate for having a totenkopf tattoo (not because of his mullet) just after he gave me his email address, which was written on a piece toilet paper. it was written in biro, and i still remember his font: bold (and viking strong), as if it were written by thor himself. as for my
'mate', he thinks he's elitist, even though he makes milk cartons in a factory. 'you don't need ice hockey shin guards to play guitar.'--some dude on ruthless.
--angry panda


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