Friday, October 28, 2005

Assaulted by Sea Salt

Yesterday, I bought a 200g bag of Red Rock Deli, Sea Salt flavoured chips.
Supposedly gourmett, yeah?
They tasted like what the sea would taste like if it was a crunchy solid substance.
In other words, the chips were totally inedible!

I mean seriously! I had two other people attempt to eat them - neither of them were able to finish just one of the chips. I courageously managed to eat about five of them over the following twelve hours as a matter of pride and principle.
But polishing off the whole bag of those chips would have been an effective means of seriously dehydrating myself and my shit would have felt like sandpaper the
next day probably. Hardly worth the effort, methinks.

If I had eaten any more, I may have ended up looking like this poor soul:

So I rang up the Red Rock Deli hotline and they say they are now going to send me replacements (note the plural). Some friends of mine got on to this scam. Ring up companies and tell them that their products are second rate and they give you shit loads more stuff u want. I know someone who got a carton of cigarettes after complaining to Philip Morris that the pack of Peter Jacksons she'd just bought tasted bad. No shit? Cigarettes actually taste bad?

Anyway, I digress. For the story continues! Yes, today I went to return the opened bag of chips at the Safeway from whence they came and I had to passionately plead my case. The conversation with front desk woman went thusly:

Me: (friendly) Hi. Yesterday, I bought these chips but I couldn't eat them. They're ridiculously salty and inedible. Can I get an exchange?
Her: (insolent and surly) Yeah. Did you read the packet? They're sea salt.
Me: (defencive) Yeah, I know. But these taste like the sea. They're inedible! Try
Her: (shakes her head, still insolent) No, I don't think so. Look, they're sea salt, they're supposed to taste like that.
Me (raising my voice) No, but these are inedible. I can't eat them! They're too salty to eat! They're not supposed to taste like that.
Her: (getting miffed now) But they're sea salt. They're supposed to taste salty.
Me: (incredulous) But not like this! I can't eat them!!!

Her: (inquisitorial) Have you ever tried these before? They're sea salt!
Me: (beginning to get quite pissed off) I know they're sea salt! You don't have to keep telling me! And yes, I have tried these chips before and they tasted nothing like this! I tell you, they're not supposed taste like this! They're inedible!!!
Her: (relenting - finally!) I suppose you can get an exchange then. Go get a replacement packet from the shelf.

Maybe she didn't understand the word inedible...
Classist of me, I know.
Yeah but no but yeah but no but...


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